The Reptilian Space Pope


If I were a psychopath with $21 trillion dollars, I would probably build a reptilian space pope. I’d splice the genes of a reptile with a human and create a hairless hybrid simpleton I could control from my cell phone. I’d power it with photosynthesis and keep it under a grow light for charging. I would say it came from outer space and was highly evolved. I would use some of my trillions to create a mystique around it with lots of books, movies and television. I would have complete control of the archetype. I’d experiment with my space pope by inserting it into the collective mind. I’d adjust some dials here-and-there until I had it perfect.

I’d want it to feel benevolent, reverent, and completely disarming. I’d want the public to think it was highly evolved. I’d give it a backstory that it came from the stars and was billions of years more intelligent. I’d make it a little shorter than a human to be disarming. I’d experiment with some big eyes like a kitten. I would not make it muscular or even too beautiful. It needs to be disarming – like a sterile butler. My space pope could tell the whole world how bad they were. It would tell us we destroyed our planet and it had no choice but to come stop us. My space pope would convince all of us we were incapable of governing ourselves. It would tell us to dissolve our ego for the promise of higher consciousness. It would speak of transcending gender or personal boundaries. It would disarm people psychologically and make it feel selfish to resist it. It would install shame into all of our natural defenses, and prejudices. It would create the very same prison pyramid we fight now but made from pretty crystal. It would promise ascension and give out promotions to anyone who obeyed the signal. It would designate a few humans as prophets and give them secrets to command others. It would be a religion of science not faith. It would put the entire planet into a yoke of oppression while everyone smiled and helped.

I would call this reptilian space pope the great work. It would make me very proud. I might even call myself the wickedest man in the world for thinking of it. I would say I opened a sacred portal on the magical lake of Loch Ness. I would piggyback my space pope on a magical sea dragon. I would name my little space pope “LAM” which is evil spelled backwards. I would draw its picture so people would know it was my creation. I would do everything I could to make LAM a reality. If I were a psychopath named Aleister Crowley.

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