Ep. 445: The Seventh Pillar of Self-Esteem (Part 4) Reparenting and Self-Integration

Wes Bertrand and I discuss facets of healing trauma and activating 7th pillar true-self motivation. This is the fourth part in our rebooted series based on Nathaniel Branden’s book, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. This extension to the original series focuses on Branden’s concluding chapter and what he calls the "seventh pillar." We will be reviewing each of the six pillars; the previous discussions focused on the what and the why of those practices, and this time we turn our attention to the how.

INTRO MONTAGE:
The 1989 film Parenthood is a humorous but touching look across three generations of a family system. The film’s protagonist (Gil, played by Steven Martin), despite not having the reparenting/self-integration vocabulary, is determined to learn from his father’s mistakes and apply them to his relationship with his own children. Throughout the film, he expresses great stress over the prospect of failing as a father.

Clips from Parenthood are interspersed with some of the advice of Dr. Daniel Siegel.

DISCUSSION:
– today’s theme: reparenting – started with severe abuse cases, but we could all use it
– Re-parenting is a process of giving yourself what you never got: love, nurturing, and protection.
– self-teaching is an important parallel to this process
– this practice aids with self-integration

HOW TO DO IT:

1. Take Time In / Mindfulness
Thanks to Dr. Dan Siegel we have two models for approaching this:
http://www.drdansiegel.com/resources/wheel_of_awareness/
http://www.drdansiegel.com/resources/healthy_mind_platter/

BALANCE:
somatosensory work, breathing, meditation, and mindfulness practices
Trauma and Memory: Brain and Body in a Search for the Living Past – BOOK

2. Communication with/acknowledgment of and listening to …inner child/disowned parts of self
-Living Consciously
-Self-acceptance
-The Damaging Effects of Repressing Unwanted Emotions
-The Integrative Process
-repression of negative emotions stunts the integrative process.
-sentence stems – The Art of Self-Discovery
-gratitude,

3. Journaling
Daily journaling practice helps to strengthen your awareness of yourself

4. Get Support
-Having a trusted advisor
-finding a therapist
-psychodrama and psychomotor therapy
-finding pro-recovery, pro-growth environments

THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM
1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

Bumper Music:
Warren Zevon – "Detox Mansion"
Foster the People – "Pumped Up Kicks"
The Verve – "Lucky Man"

Look Closer:
Complete Liberty Podcast
NathanielBranden.com
Happiness Counseling Resource Page
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (pdf)

Get the books:

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